At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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