I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
