You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
