I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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