And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
