They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
