Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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