Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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