got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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