You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
