Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
