We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
