Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
