I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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