I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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