So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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