whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
