soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
