She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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