So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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