i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
