she takes plan B like it's going out of style
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
