remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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