Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
