FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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