can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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