So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
