Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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