Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
