I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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