Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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