i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
