I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
