i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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