so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I love you. Go after that dick
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
