It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
