so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
