Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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