my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
