So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
