she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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