Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
