This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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