Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
