I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
