Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
