He disabled his match.com account in front of me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
