Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My penis needs a shock collar
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
