i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
