Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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