It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
