Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
