You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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