dude i'm inner monologue high
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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