I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
